I and the people who sit on my row spent the last month coming up with this.
It’s all meant in good fun, so don’t anybody get offended.
I’m starting from Day Twelve, mainly to save myself some typing time.

On the twelfth Day of Critmus, my true thug gave to me,
12 bastard children,
11 breaths a-stankin’,
10 butts a-bumpin’,
9 niggas runnin’,
8 crack rocks poppin’ (none of us have a history with crack, so we weren’t sure about this one. No one corrected us when we recited it this morning, so we assume we’re good on this one).
7 sluts a-swingin’,
6 pipes a-smokin’,
5 shots of jinn,
4 gold teeth,
3 bags of weed,
2 diamond studs,
And a new Ja-Rool CD.

Oh yeah, and this one’s openly trackbackable.

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I found out why my AHT (average handle time) was brought up again.
John had stopped counting it on his own because he was fed up with the UMs not giving a damn and not listening.
Our local UM wants a standard set for me, so John took my AHT for the last two months, and added forty seconds to it.
I can deal with that, even if I don’t like it.
We’re now required to submit trouble tickets each day the DB_interface doesn’t work.
More documentation.
And more smoke up my rear end.
I’m definitely convinced the UMs aren’t aware, (or just don’t care) what the legal ramifications of all this are.
I’m considering writing up and email tonight and informing them of their obligations.
I’m really pissed at all of this.
They’re saying the problem might be fixed no earlier than after the beginning of the year.
John’s trying to get me into another position that will involve less rump ranging by my employer.
After he gets my situation taken care of, and manages to get me into a position from which I can protect myself, he’s leaving.
I can’t say I blame him, although I’ll honestly miss him.
He’s the last bastion of common sense and logical thinking around here.

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This morning’s meeting with UM never happened.
He’s been in and out of the office, and is supposed to be out all afternoon.
John’s busy doing monitorings, so he’s unavailable too.
I went to UM’s office at around noon to see if there was any news, but there was none, and he sent a message to his boss, and said he’d come to my cube and let me know if anything comes up.
I didn’t think it would have been a really good idea to go back there and start trying to lay down the law without listening to what he had to say, if anything, first, and it turned out he didn’t have much to say at all.
I went to lunch around 1:00, and ate chicken, green beans and potatoes, and had tea to drink with it.
The chicken was a little burnt, but not very much, and the potatoes and green beans were awesome.
The tea was like concentrated sugar.
I could definitely use a nap right now.
I put my name in the drawing for a huge TV they’re giving away.
It would be funny if I won it.

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I just walked back to UM’s office.
No one was there.
John has monitoring and other supervisory tasks to do today.
We’ll see where things go, if they go anywhere at all.
I’ll enjoy the free lunch.
The company is bringing food in from Boss Hog, a barbecue restaurant in town.
Thank God they serve chicken.

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I’ve had all I can take of sitting around doing nothing.
I’ve spent this whole afternoon wishing it was all over.
It’s only 04:53 PM, and I have to stay here until 05:45.
I hate this place, and I hate the mess I’m in.

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Looks like I’ve got my answer about the upper management type I mentioned in yesterday’s post.
He spouts just as much BS as everyone else around here.
He fed me a whole bunch of crap about how we need to maximize my potential, and how he wants to find a way to put my many talents to good use, and how he’s talking to his people, who are talking to their people … and they’re supposed to have a solution sometime tomorrow.
He tells me he’s going to get them to rewrite the whole damn interface.
Right.
And I’m Jesus Christ.
This guy has told me everything except that he lives in a van down by the river.
I’m starting to choke on all this.

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I met with the upper management type at around 2:30 this afternoon, and he gave me the “I want to help” motivational speech.
I’m not totally sure whether I should believe it or not.
I’ve heard from other people he manages to get things done, but I heard that about everyone who’s ever occupied any upper management position here.
He recommended that we test out all known browsers, so we did, and none of the others tested worked.
Firefox, Netscape, and Opera were all no-goes with Jaws.
Back to the drawing board.

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I just came back from talking to the HR director.
I asked him if there are any other positions available in order to get out of this accessibility rut I’m in, and keep finding myself in.
He says there aren’t any in the local center, and that I can always apply for some other position in some other ConUs center, but that ConUs doesn’t relocate agents, so that would be my problem.
I’m supposed to talk to the upper management this afternoon.
Basically, I’m going to go back to the bigger management cubes, and then the upper manager here is going to call his boss, and we’re going to sit and talk about how the client doesn’t want to set up the mirror to the old interface, because that would cost too much money to maintain for two people, and we’ll be back at square one.
We’re going nowhere fast, and what worries me is that this will be used as an opportunity to tell me to have a nice day.
It’s definitely the path of least resistance, and right now I’m in the middle of a fight between two corporate whores who are more concerned about maximizing their profits, and could care less if one or two cube-dwellers get trampled underfoot because of something that was never their fault in the first place.
I’ve been yelling (figuratively) about this accessibility issue for the last three years, and it’s getting me nowhere, and looks like it may even signal the end of the line for me at this job.
Cary isn’t really helping matters.
He’s content to just follow the directives of his supervisor, take calls, then call the support team to do the work after clicking around awhile, and making the caller think he’s actually helping.
His justification is that they’ll monitor him eventually, see he’s screwing things up and then fire him, and then he’ll be out of the situation.
He’s taking it one day at a time, so that it doesn’t encroach on his sanity.
Whatever floats your boat.
Personally, I’m a fan of self-preservation.
I hate this job, but I can’t afford to lose it.
If I could afford it, I would have quit long ago.
So I’m interested in not only fixing the current crisis, but preventing future ones so that I can save myself future headaches.
I don’t think that’s too unreasonable.
I’d love to be able to just sit back, not worry about all this, and just wander aimlessly throughout life.
But in order to do that, I’d have to have no ambition, or even a desire to keep from slipping into the multitude of blind and visually impaired people who are unemployed.
As much as I hate my job, being unemployed is infinitely worse.
I detest having to rely on the charity of others, regardless of the level of sincerity.
It’s not that I wouldn’t be appreciative, and it’s not that I think people are incapable of giving wholeheartedly.
At this point in my life, I want to be able to provide for myself, without undue stress, and without having to worry about whether or not my livelihood is going to be jeopardized by some company’s pet technological abortion that lived.
Is that really too much to ask?

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I woke up this morning with a raging headache.
Not good.
I haven’t even gotten to work yet, and as of yesterday afternoon, still no solution.
I talked to Cary last night, and he says he’s taking calls, but he’s asking the callers to hold three or four minutes at a time while he wrestles with the interface and Jaws.
Completely unacceptable.
We can’t afford to keep doing that.
I don’t understand why they had to kill the link in the first place.
If they have to upgrade, fine.
But if they’re not going to involve us in testing the thing to make sure it’s accessible, then don’t kill the link.
It’s that simple.
I know I have a lot of sighted readers, but this is one of those times when sighted people really prove how inconsiderate they can be.
To the ones who have been helpful, I sincerely thank you.
But to the rest, please stop making my life difficult.

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I just talked to one of the techno-shepherds, and he told me that the client wants me to use the lates version of the screen reader so that my “testing environment” is the same as theirs.
I’ve already explained several times that the Java support hasn’t changed from V5 (the version I’m using) to V7.
All they did as far as internet applications is concerned was add support for Firefox.
They added some other Jaws-specific features, but no change in Java support.
And what the hell is this about a “testing environment?”
Yet another line of crap.
I was just given a link that goes to “the page cannot be displayed.”
We’ll probably have this thing figured out by the end of the month, just in time for them to break it again.

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