Trigger warning: Friendly reminder to the men in my life concerning the allegations against Brett Kavanaugh and their surrounding aftermath: As a survivor of multiple sexual assaults, I am watching and listening to everything you say, and that includes the things from others you share. If you haven’t commented or shared at all, you’re fine. If you’ve commented or shared anything along the lines of “I don’t know if she’s telling the truth or not, but this should be taken seriously and she deserves to be heard and I will make up my mind once they both testify”, you’re fine. If you’re commenting or sharing along the lines of “I don’t believe this particular allegation, but I’m aware that there are sexual assault survivors in my life who are probably being retraumatized by all this so I’m going to refrain from shitposting,” you’re fine. But if your comments or shares are anything like what we’ve all seen from some conservative pundits, senate staffers, senators or the president, you are not fine and we are not OK because you have irreparably damaged whatever relationship we may have for the sake of clicks, shares and retweets. You have demonstrated that you should never be trusted with anything of this nature, whether it’s a report of sexual assault by someone you love, or anything having to do with the resultant trauma and retraumatization. I know what it’s like to have a man cover your mouth to stop you from screaming for help during a rape or attempted rape, because it’s happened to me and you never forget it. You never forget the feel of his skin, the fact that you can’t breathe, or the fact that you are absolutely terrified. The details of your surroundings and the surface you’re being pinned down to are burned into your brain and become part of your firmware. I know what it’s like to be afraid to fly because you’re afraid of spaces you can’t escape from. I know what it’s like to have stressful situations worsen that fear, and I know what it’s like to be able to deal with it most of the time. I knew what was coming before I even finished reading the original headline Monday, and I have not been proven wrong. In fact, I have been proven right in spades. And I can look forward to this all being played out again, because for all the protestations by men that they really do care about sexual assault survivors, and that they really do care about people who commit sexual assault paying a price for it, when the rubber meets the road, (otherwise known as someone on their favorite political or religious or community team is accused of sexual assault), the gloves come off and the true colors shine through, with very few exceptions. And no, fellow liberals, you don’t get to pat yourselves on the back right now, because you’ve done the same in the past as Trump supporters and other Republicans are doing now, and you’ll do it again, as surely as every human being dies. I wasn’t going to post my personal thoughts on this, because I am not looking forward to my various comments sections and mentions columns turning into raging dumpster fires. But I have spent the last week reliving my own trauma, and I don’t need you guys pouring salt in the wound. I logged into Twitter this evening after Shabbat ended and saw one shitpost too many by a man I know. I am seriously considering where to cut bate right now, because so many of you have demonstrated that you cannot, and therefore should not, be trusted. You have demonstrated exactly what you would have done to me if you had read about any of my incidents of sexual assault in the media. You have demonstrated that, no matter how close we are, I could never come to any of you and tell you that I am having a really bad time of it right now, to put it mildly, because the risk of being mocked or laughed at or even just being told “It’s no big deal and you should get over it” is significant. I hope those clicks and shares and retweets have been worth it.



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