There are days when I get up feeling like I could conquer the world. And then, there are those other days. The days when I don’t think I’ll be able to get out of bed, let alone do anything else. And the hardest part about those days is knowing that I have a ton of daily tasks to get done, and not enough energy to do them. These are the days when it’s very important to remind myself to take things one day, or one hour, or one minute, or even one second at a time; when I have to remind myself that I’m not Superman, and that my personal worth doesn’t depend on whether I did an allotted amount of work; when I have to remind myself that tomorrow’s another day, and that sometimes it’s OK to just slow down and take things as they come. Fatigue, both physical and mental, is a big part of Lupus, and a lot of the time, that’s the biggest battle for me, far and above the pain caused by any of the other attendant symptoms. Often, I berate myself for being lazy, even though I know this is completely irrational, because there is a good reason for not moving, or not getting as much work done as I would like. I know, on a rational level, that I’m not lazy, but sometimes the self-hatred can become overpowering. But I know in these cases that my emotions are getting the better of me, and I have to stop and tell myself to look at my situation logically and rationally. In this year of 2013, I plan to pay more attention so that when my emotions start to run wild and I start to berate myself, I can stop and reorient to a more rational perspective. I know that this will take a lot of effort and prayer on my part, but I believe I can be successful. And on the days I stumble, I will remember to tell myself that tomorrow’s another day.
This post is part of a series for National Blog Post Month, (NaBloPoMo). If you would like to participate, or read other posts, go to the NaBloMoPo site, and be sure to add your post to the list.