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Originally published at customerservant.com. You can comment here or there.

I think I’ve found a use for stupid people.
They exist to make the rest of us laugh.
I’m rarely this quick-witted.

I have a Golden retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at
Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that
no,
I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t
because I’d ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50
pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming
out
of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that
it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I’d ended up in the hospital in that condition
because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I’d been
sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so
hard as he staggered out the door.


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