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Cross-Currents scooped this a while back, but I just can’t resist.

Microsoft is pleased to contribute to the Jewish community with the release of Microsoft Conversion, version 2.0.
Although this application will be bundled with the next version of Microsoft Religion, we’re offering it as a standalone patch just because we can.

System Requirements

128MB of RAM;
2GB of harddrive space;
Windows 95/98/ME/200/XP.

Installation Instructions

1. Right-click conversion.exe and choose save to disk.
2. Run conversion.exe by double-clicking on the file you just downloaded.
3. Check the box that says “I agree” after reading the Ten Commitments.
4. Click the “Mazal Tov” button and you’re done!
A splash screen will appear which reads: “Welcome To The Jewish People!”
At this point, you will be prompted to check the box beside each mitzvah you wish to observe.
After this you will need to wait while conversion.exe contacts oscar.conversion.com and notifies the central database of your conversion.
When the “instager” icon appears on your screen, you have completed the entire process and may exit the program.

Troubleshooting

When I tried to check all 613 mitzvah boxes, I received the following message:
“This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down.
If the problem persists, please contact the software vender.”
Why is this?

Checking all 613 boxes indicates that you have a desire to live your new Jewish life to the fullest, and we applaud this.
Unfortunately, the Mitzvah Database can only accept a very limited number of entries.
In order to resolve the problem, please contact your local Halakhic authority and discuss conversion to a more stable form of Judaosm.

Now for the serious part.
I am by no means perfect.
My level of observance leaves a lot to be desired, and I am working to improve that.
However, this is completely absurd.
Anything that’s this easy isn’t worth taking.
In other words, if you’re interested in becoming a Jew, it takes work, and it’s a constant growing process.
I honestly don’t see how anyone can consider this legitimate.


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