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I got this from Naomi Ragen’s email list, which you can find out more about
iat www.naomiragen.com.

Saudi man with 58 wives stirs polygamy debate
(http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2005-01-01-saudi-polygamy_x.htm)
USFAN, Saudi Arabia (AP) – In 50 years, he says, he has married 58 women and
has forgotten the names of most of them. He knows he has had 10 sons, but
ask about daughters and he counts on his fingers: 22. No, no, 28. No, that’s
too many. He settles on 25.

Saleh al-Sayeri, a 64-year-old shepherd-turned-businessman, says his marital
adventures have cost him more than $1.6 million in wedding expenses and
settlements for divorced wives. But the man who remembers being forced into
his first marriage at age 14 says he’d do it a million times over.

“Marriage doesn’t bore me,” he said, relaxing on cushions at a carpeted,
open-air reception area in his 22-horse stable in Usfan, in the desert 500
miles west of Riyadh. “I’m the happiest man in the world.”

Al-Sayeri’s story might seem a bizarre curiosity, but it touches a nerve in
Saudi Arabia, the status of whose women is a matter of international
controversy.

When it surfaced in Saudi media in March, some readers reacted angrily.

A woman who identified herself as Maryam, a convert to Islam, wrote to the
Arab News, an English-language daily, that al-Sayeri’s story “really sent me
over the edge.”

“What kind of a family structure is this? What is divorce doing to the
psychologies of the ex-wives and children? How can this man devote any
quality time to his children – teaching them about Islam and being a
constant role model?” She wrote.

Sayyidaty magazine, which interviewed al-Sayeri, also spoke to psychiatrist
Mona al-Sawwaf who said al-Sayeri does not treat a wife as a human being
“but as a piece of clothing he can change whenever he pleases or an object.”

“The biggest blame lies with the parents” who let their daughters enter such
marriages, she said.

Al-Sayeri dismisses such critics as “crazy,” insisting he is not breaching
Islamic laws, which permit a man to have four wives at a time.

“I have a clear conscience,” he said.

None of Al-Sayeri’s ex-wives could be reached. He said many have remarried,
but to reveal their identity would be a gross violation of Saudi custom. One
of his sons said his mother has remarried, but refused to give details.

Divorce has become quite common in the kingdom, with press reports saying
half of all marriages break up. But the fate of a divorced woman depends on
her parents’ frame of mind. If they oppose the divorce, they likely will
confine her to the house and monitor her movements. She will be barred from
dating or working without family permission.

The notion of a single career woman barely exists here. Women cannot even
drive. They cannot get an education, travel or check into a hotel without a
male guardian’s permission.

Some parents, on the other hand, are modern-minded enough to let their
daughters finish their schooling or go out to work. And although Islamic
laws permit a man to have four wives at a time, most Muslim men today take
one wife, because it has become the cultural norm and polygamy is costly.

Money is not an issue for al-Sayeri, who says he has made a fortune trading
in cars and property. He is a dark, medium-built man with black mustache and
goatee who heads the Sayer, a southern Bedouin tribe. He also raises camels
and horses.

He has had 10 sons, one of whom died. Two sons who were at the stable while
their father was being interviewed rolled their eyes whenever the subject of
marriages came up. They said they had come to accept that their dad is
“mizwaj,” a man who likes to marry often.

Fahd al-Sayeri, who inherited his father’s passion for horses, recalled a
desert hunting trip some 15 years ago in the remote Empty Quarter. He and
his friends had gone in search of gasoline when they heard celebratory
gunshots coming from a tent. They had come across a wedding.

“Out of politeness, we asked whose wedding it was,” Fahd said.

“The guests responded with my father’s name. I was shocked,” he added.

It’s not that the elder al-Sayeri hides his marriages. He just doesn’t
always bother to spread the word. He said two of his daughters learned they
were sisters and two sons they were brothers at school.

Some wives even attend his weddings and bring the bride gifts. But he said
he keeps each wife in a separate villa and sometimes even in a different
town to keep the peace, and assures each that she’s his favorite.

Son Fahd, a 32-year-old bachelor, is adamant he won’t follow in his father’s
footsteps. “No, no, no,” he said. “One will be enough for me.”

Al-Sayeri said he has married first cousins and women from about 30 tribes
all over the kingdom. “As a leader of a tribe, I can’t marry just anybody,”
he said.

He said three of his four current wives have been with him 18 to 40 years.
The fourth seems to be the one who usually gets replaced.

“It’s the one for renewal,” said al-Sayeri, sipping cardamom-flavored coffee
after a dinner of spicy lamb and rice. “I like to change my fourth wife
every year.”

His latest marriage – and at 10,000 guests his most sumptuous – was to a
14-year-old girl nine months ago. She was the perfect age, he said.

When he heard about her, he sent his niece to check her out. She came back
with a favorable report.

Then he visited her family. When the girl came into the living room to offer
him refreshments – an excuse for him to see her face – he asked her if she
would marry him.

“She was shy at first and didn’t answer but then she said yes,” al-Sayeri
recalled. “Now, we’re such good friends it feels we’ve known each other 40
years.”

A Saudi woman will usually marry whomever her family chooses, and marriage
is considered acceptable from the onset of puberty.

Al-Sayeri claims he has never forced a woman to marry him, and has never
been turned down. His ex-wives get a divorce settlement set out in a
prenuptial agreement and he supports the children, he said. He said all his
divorces are documented with court-issued papers that usually follow this
declaration to his wife: “You are divorced.”

He said today’s women are “more pleasant to have around.”

“They take better care of themselves, use makeup and do not run away every
time I want to touch them,” he said.

Al-Sayeri said he will keep on marrying until the number of wives he has
acquired equals the number of years he has lived.


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